Monday, September 12, 2011

Daddy is not 3

Have you ever found yourself so immersed in speaking toddler language that when wonderful husband comes home you welcome him through the door with the same melodic tone you’ve been using all day?  Does he give you that quirky grin with furled brow that says, “Wow, I need to take you out more,” and “Oh, your poor, poor thing; what has happened to you today?” all with the same look?

This is REAL life…and there is no shame in that.
And it’s not a bad thing to speak in a loving, sing-song voice to our children.  In fact, I find that when my voice stays calmer, softer, and emanates fun in this way that the rest of my body and mind follow suit.  Now I’m not talking the make-you-want-to-puke over-the-top-sweet talk that grandmas do…that is a special grandma language and I have a few years to go before I need to learn that one (but several wonderful translators who I am excited to take lessons from!)  But the mom voice, that says, I know you, I love you, and I am right here at your level…where you are.  And do you see your children respond to it?  Mine do…they eat it up.
So, YES!  Let’s speak “toddler”.  All day if need be….

(Or maybe in your house it's teen-talk, where an entire sentence is substituted with an acronym like a text...hopefully not, but I know it's not that far fetched for a lot of homes.  And I'm pretty sure that kind of abbreviation would fly right over most of our husbands' heads.)
However, as wives, we must be bilingual.  We must also speak “adult” to our husbands.  They are not 3, and they need to see we can be attentive to both, our children and our husbands. 
Song of Solomon (oh yeah, I’m going straight there) depicts the union, the romance, the passion of marriage as God designed it to be.  It is a conversation between a man and his bride, with the occasional chiming in of some supportive friends, and we get an intimate look at the various aspects of relationship that are important to this couple.  In this verse we find the man making a request of his bride:
My dove in the clefts of the rock,
   in the hiding places on the mountainside,
show me your face,
   let me hear your voice;
for your voice is sweet,
   and your face is lovely.
Song of Solom 2:14
Shouldn’t our home be the “cleft in the rock” and a "hiding place" for our husbands?  I know mine desires nothing more than to hear my voice, a sweet voice as I show him my face at the end of his long day while he enters his cleft.  It is so critical to make a switch in our tone, in our body language, in our eye contact, to welcome our husbands home to their cleft.  It is our God-given role, it is his desire, and our marriages will thrive when we live that out.
A few ideas to accompany that “lovely face” and “sweet voice” you plan to present at the door:
Some freshly glossed lips and brushed hair
A cold beverage, maybe his favorite
Food. Yes, even if dinner is on in 20…they will eat again.  So bring a bowl of chips to the door.
A tight hug around his neck and soft whispers in his ear of how you missed him that day

How do you welcome your husband home?


  1. Thank you so much for the reminder, and I only have a 7-month old!!! I welcome my hubby home with a kiss... but I know he would appreciate a snack and gloss!

  2. I can't express how completely I agree (and need reminding of) your thoughts here! I've had a somewhat similar post brewing in my brain the whole time I've been here in Uganda. Waiting for God to slip all the pieces into place and give me the green light for posting before I write it though. Also, have you read Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Lara? It is really, really worth reading. It has potential to make huge impact on any marriage! I know she's not a Christ follower, but her wisdom and advice in this book is wonderful.

  3. Love the chips idea... will do tonight!!